My day from 1:00-now

Forgot to do the bulletin board for preschool lab and everyone flipped out and teacher failed me for that lesson

Realized I have a physics test tomorrow which I am I no way prepare for and am going to fail and have to retake

Went home and ten drove back to school to get my brother in the rain

Went to go get gas, hit the curb, dented it, and then filled the car halfway up with diesel. A+

Went to Starbucks to do homework that I don’t understand

Go to leave and the car won’t start because of the effing diesel.

Stranded, crying, and dead meat when my dad gets here to drive me home.

So today was good all in all.

Let me go,
Let me breathe,
Let me be free,
Let me live,
Let me do it on my own,
Let me make mistakes,
Let me learn from them,
Let me prove myself,
Let me be new,
Let me be myself.
Let me go,
And maybe I’ll come back.

The 7th always hits me like a brick in the face.

Rant-

I am so sick of being mislead and getting my hopes up for nothing. I am so emotionally exhausted from putting myself through all of this and I just want it to be over.
I feel like I’ve been walked all over and I hate it and all of this prom nonsense was just a big slap in the face.
I’m probably not going to try anymore. I’m not going to be the one who puts her heart on the line and then gets pushed aside. Not anymore. It’s happened too many times and I’m done. Done trying to make things work, and done trying make things better, and done trying to make you happy.

Which I could have.

Holocene never fails to make me audibly sigh and feel and wave of peace rush over me.

Feeling pretty defeated.
And not happy with myself in general.

the most honest thing i’ve ever put on the internet 

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im so sick of the in between.
just tell me if you want me or not so i can either make you happy, or move on cause i cant figure you out and im about to give up

My dad is currently obsessed with selling everything we own on Craigslist to get money for it. Its really annoying.

Its like you lose either way because you invest in friendships and relationships with people but something always happens and you lose them or they find someone they like better and you lose them or you just kind of drift away and you lose them. So you push people away and try not to let anyone in or get close to you so that that doesn’t happen so you don’t end up hurt but really you are anyway because you’re alone and don’t have anyone close to you anymore.
You lose either way. Or at least I do.

k well i give up

i’m always gonna have a crush on you.

because you’re you.

i can’t help it.

Whatever happens in the end, I need to honor God and His timing, and His plan. That’s all I know. It’s going to be hard. But it’s what I need to do. He knows best.

I have a 6 year old brother that’s in kindergarten. He is such a joy in my life. He’s funny, crazy, annoying, silly, and his hugs are my favorite thing ever. I love kissing his cheeks right by his jawline, and I love it when he gives me “smooches”.
I simply cannot imagine a man going into my little brother’s elementary school, and shooting his classmates, and potentially him. I can’t imagine the fear that would run through everyone. I can’t imagine hearing the sound of a gun shooting, and children and teachers screaming. I can’t imagine being a teacher trying to protect a class of 24 innocent, terrified children. I can’t imagine being a parent of one of the 20 children killed and wounded.
I just cannot imagine. And it sickens me, and scares me to death the think that we live in a place where people do this.

I always tell myself I’ll do my homework and go to bed at a decent time like a good little student but then I put it off and then its 11:30 and I’m like well screw it and then I just go to bed and fail classes and that’s how life works I guess